Monday, December 27, 2010

The puke-bag

I feel like one right now.
You have a problem, come puke it here. I am here to listen to you. Coz I care for you. And you can take that for granted. Just like I take you for granted and start caring about you.
I have many guy friends who tell me stuff they won't share with any other gal or guy too. Coz you don't talk emotions with guys. And other gals are not allowed to see that either.
Did it occur to you that at times even I need a break from being the crying shoulder. No boss, that is not happening. I am a whiner if I do that. I share my issues and I am a cry baby. A bore.
So be it. I know I will be back to normal, listening self. No harms done.

Some day I will let you know I don't like it when you try that mean sarcastic thing on me. I will ask you to FUCK OFF!!

Monday, November 29, 2010

Mi Amour

As the shadows of sadness
come creeping by
I wish I could hide you in me
Let them get me, crumble me
Let them twist my arm
I shall surrender to the ghosts of fear
I will smile as they burn my soul
I will die in bliss with the thought
That you are safe
That my love won at last
That I had you

Sunday, November 14, 2010

The one thing

If i could ask for just one thing
It would be to be your love

To make you smile and cheer you up
When there is sadness and worry
To hug you and kiss you
When the troubles get by

It would me my first and last wish
To be near your heart
To be the love of your life

Sunday, November 7, 2010


Struggling, clinging
to the tiniest hope
Trying to breath.
There's deepening darkness, suffocating, killing
Bleeding to death.
Happy thoughts fail to conjure.
The curtains are falling on the stage of life.
Premature end of the drama queen.
The mask has washed away, ugliness
Revealed shame
Left alone scared of own wishes
Drifting away.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

A quarter century old

I'll turn 25 in four days. That is quarter of a century on this planet. Its kind of scary. I feel I haven't accomplished anything yet.
Yes there is a long way ahead, but 25 is a big number. Per mom, had I been married "on time", I would have kids by now.
That is another scary thing about growing up. Marriage. I never have had a relationship. Arrange marriages were fine until some years back for me too. But not now.
I wish I could meet someone who will understand me, my nonsense talks, my almost daily mood swings, my stubbornness. The usual stuff. What every girl wants. (Yea, i am not a "girl" per se, but I won't be acting my age anytime soon!)
In return, he is gonna have me loving him! Isn't that more than enough for anyone! Lol.
I live in Lala-Land. And intend to stay there longer. Get me my knight in shining armour. I will act all vulnerable. Damsel-in-distress if you may. Let him woo me with his sonorous voice and I promise won't torture him with my singing. All I will do is talk. And listen to him talk. And sit besides him, forgetting all the trouble in the world.
We all want to live our fairy tales.
Someone told me your choice of fairy tale princess tells something about you. Cinderalla. Yes, i AM looking for escape. To a place, to belong to someone who will pamper me. I have been the one taking care of others for a while. I wish to be at the receiving end for a change.
I am already turning senile. What's in a number you say? What is not in a number! 25 is terrifying!

Its like the sunset already.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Shall I?

I am out of breathe thinking about you
high on emotions
why cant i just get over you
drown myself, shall i?

keep thinking about you, day and night
why cant i just be lost in the darkness of my heart
hurt myself, shall i?

em trying to leave those memories behind
why cant i stop seeing ur face in everything around
blind myself, shall i?

i cry and cry till there are tears no more
and still u stare back at me
smiling and happy in the arms of some one else
i cant take it anymore
kill myself, shall i?

I try

I am trying to make sense
From the chaos that reigns around
I am trying to be lost
More lost than already em
'Float with time, go along with the flow'
Someone advices me
Oh teach me how do i do that!
Teach me back to smile.

All round me people seem to be busy
All walk with purpose in their stride
Let me have my aim back
To try to make you see my love
Let me be purposeful and busy

I may not be the best choice
I may not be good enough
Let me change for you
Let me strive to make you know i could do anything for you


the words you wrote to me last
still linger on my lips
i repeat them again and again
to relive the time we spend together

i thought i have forgotten you
but know its a lie
can't make myself believe in it
make my heart understand

you have gone away
far away from me
i survive on your memories
revisiting you in my dreams

my heart bleeds, my eyes cry
tears rolling down my cheek
i pray for this misery to end
let me pass into oblivion

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Monday, September 20, 2010


there are days
that make you want to love
and hug
and smile to everyone
to be the colourful rainbow
...and the bird chirping around
all the pain and sadness cleared like the morning fog
the sun shining and benevolent
like a mother looking at you

there are days
when everyone seems nice
all the worries dried and crackling and buried
you want to jump and laugh
and swing around and twirl
the mornings are bright
the nights better

those are the days
i await them so long
to see your face, hear you laugh
to see the twinkle in your eyes
the mischievous smile
the scent in the air

Monday, August 23, 2010

Yeah I wear a Hijab, it does not make me your Khala

So just coz I dress in a particular way makes me illiterate or dumb?
Why do we stereotype?
Why do we judge?
Why do we tell others to do things that we are not doing ourselves?
Why the hypocrisy?

Is it so difficult to be not opinionated?
Is the first impression always the last? Can we change it?

Can't we just live and let others live.

Many questions, no answer in sight. I better prepare for the week ahead. *sigh*

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Is it just me

or there are others too who feel the pinch when you go out shopping.

So i had these 3000 Rs. voucher for SS that was a reward from the firm for my good work (woopiee). Went shopping with mom and sis. Why couldn't they give me the cash! Mannn i could have bought so many Kurtis and Ts from FS or Hill Road.

I wonder if ever the mall culture takes over Mumbai, mera kya hoga! I don't like spending on brands. I keep on changing handbags and sandals often. Splurging on brands, i won't be able to get the next bag in 1 month. Salary doesn't allow me to do that :(

Anyways, clothes don't make you, one needs to have the personality to carry off whatever they are wearing.

I bought two coffee mugs instead. I hoard them!

Friday, August 13, 2010

I wanna be chick on wheels


In the bid of getting drenched in the rains, we planned to go to Malshej Ghats. Its an amazing place. 3 bikes, 6 people. Only i dont know how to drive one. Ree drove the Suzuki and Niki drove the Kinetic for most of the part.
Lame me, i can't ride a bicycle. *shame*

9 hours of travel to enjoy an hour of getting wet, in the rain alright.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Polka dots and solid fills

I loved gazing at the people walking to the station and all the colourful, plain, new, old umbrellas they had with them while it poured while I sat atop the table in our shop enjoying being alone and loving every bit of it.

That was years ago, before we moved out from the chawl into an apartment.

The chawls were fun to live in. Most of the weekends we would be playing hide & seek all afternoon or wait for hours to rent that little cycle that I could ride for 2 buck an hour.
During monsoon we all would get soaked to the marrow and eat bhutta.

I feel lucky to have grown up in one of them. We had a garba pandal setup by a friends grandpa, the wadi had Ganpati pandal every year. I learned to make rangoli too! And on Eid, the entire neighbourhood would come to our house to eat sewiya or for the yummy mutton mom cooked on Bakra Eid.
We played Holi, burst crackers in Diwali, though i hated the loud sound they made.

The city has become more rigid now. Its not how I want to remember it. I find myself wishing abandon this city and find a new nest. I don't like that thought. I love this city of my birth. The place that gives me the freedom to feel safe even at midnight. Or when i have to leave house at 5:30 in the morning and walk 20 minutes to the railway station. I did not feel it while I was in some other city for some time.

And I love the rains! =)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


awaiting for someone to get online.
and my keyboard has given away.
and yet here i am, setting up my blog and jabbering away, clicking furiously on the "on-screen keyboard".
how useless can one be!