Sunday, May 13, 2012

In a straightjacket

She was scared of things. Scared of people. Scared to talk. Scared when talked too.
She was scared of heights. She was scared to touching anything.
She was jealous of people. Jealous that they seems so not scared.
Not scared of things, of people. Not scared when they talked. Or when somebody talked to them.
Jealous of people who could laugh out loud, without inhibition. Or who did not care of what people thought of them.
She was never the favourite. She was good at her studies but the teachers found the other kid who was charming better than her. She was the eldest child at home but she was supposed to act grown up since was the eldest child.
She was scared of making friends. Jealous of people who could make friends easily.
She was scared of losing friends. Jealous that people could stop caring after a while while she couldn't.
She was scared to love. She was jealous of people without spectacles, without messy hair, without bucktooth, without accumulating fat, with their overflowing talents & mirth, with someone to love them.

She sat in the tub, scratching away fear & jealousy that was in her. She scratched until her skin was red & burning. Until she felt like she was on fire. She wore a clean white gown & stepped out. Faint red marks were peeping from underneath.

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