Saturday, November 5, 2011

Train wrech or worse

Some (or actually almost all) the poems(?) that i have written before i started this blog. Since having only facebook friends suffer wasn't enough, i thought of sharing them here too. Yay, be tortured.

(November 2010)

As the shadows of sadness
come creeping by
I wish I could hide you in me
Let them get me, crumble me
Let them twist my arm
I shall surrender to the ghosts of fear
I will smile as they burn my soul
I will die in bliss with the thought
That you are safe
That my love won at last
That I had you


(November 2010)

Struggling, clinging
to the tiniest hope
Trying to breath.
There's deepening darkness, suffocating, killing
Bleeding to death.
Happy thoughts fail to conjure.
The curtains are falling on the stage of life.
Premature end of the drama queen.
The mask has washed away, ugliness
Revealed shame
Left alone scared of own wishes
Drifting away.


(September 2010)

there are days
that make you want to love
and hug
and smile to everyone
to be the colourful rainbow
...and the bird chirping around
all the pain and sadness cleared like the morning fog
the sun shining and benevolent
like a mother looking at you

there are days when everyone seems nice
all the worries dried and crackling and buried
you want to jump and laugh
and swing around and twirl
the mornings are bright
the nights better

those are the days
i await them so long
to see your face,
hear you laugh
to see the twinkle in your eyes
the mischievous smile
the scent in the air


(May 2010)

My heart keeps wanting to pop out
Claustrophobic in there
My thoughts want to spill out
No more room in there
They want to show, cry out loud
All that matters to me is you
All this love is only for you


(September 2009)

the darkness around
grope around
try to get hold.
some hope that will help me
to move out from here.
the colours of the world
seem to have dulled
washed away.
the voices sound so dim
lost all their charm.
senses diminished
look around
find an opening
lose all this and go
wish for all this to end.
say the final farewell.

it all began that day
you left me.


(September 2009)

the words you wrote to me last
still linger on my lips
i repeat them again and again
to relive the time we spend together

i thought i have forgotten you
but know its a lie
can't make myself believe in it
make my heart understand

you have gone away
far away from me
i survive on your memories
revisiting you in my dreams

my heart bleeds, my eyes cry
tears rolling down my cheek
i pray for this misery to end


(July 2009)

I am trying to make sense
From the chaos that reigns around
I am trying to be lost
More lost than already em
'Float with time, go along with the flow'
Someone advices me
Oh teach me how do i do that!
Teach me back to smile.

All round me people seem to be busy
All walk with purpose in their stride
Let me have my aim back
To try to make you see my love
Let me be purposeful and busy

I may not be the best choice
I may not be good enough
Let me change for you
Let me strive to make you know i could do anything for you


(May 2009 )

You had it your way, you have won.
let me be broken with no where to go.
i dont want sympathy, i crave for you
come back to me, be by my side
let me shower my love on you
let me cry.

dont you hear my heart pounding
when i see you with someone else
its shattered to pieces, piercing my soul
its bleeding in me, killing me
you had it your way, you have won.
let me be broken with no where to go.

you say you never loved me
you say you never cared
what to do i make of the times we spent together
you say you found your love and i just despair
you had it your way, you have won.
let me be broken with no where to go.

I see you happy in someones arm
and I don't know what to do
to kill myself, to hurt myself, to cry till the end of the world
i dont grudge your happiness but i am still hurt.
you had it your way, you have won.


(May 2009)

I am out of breathe thinking about you
high on emotions
why cant i just get over you
drown myself, shall i?

keep thinking about you, day and night
why cant i just be lost in the darkness of my heart
hurt myself, shall i?

em trying to leave those memories behind
why cant i stop seeing ur face in everything around
blind myself, shall i?

i cry and cry till there are tears no more
and still u stare back at me
smiling and happy in the arms of some one else
i cant take it anymore


(May 2009)

staring into the empty space
i see your face in front of my eyes
why did you have to leave me and go
so far away, so far away.

trying to live alone
trying to forget all the love i have
trying to understand what did i do wrong to lose you, to hurt you and let you be gone
so far away, so far away.

am not complaining nor am bitter
have all those happy memories deep within me safe
of the time we had spend together
so far away, so far away (back in time).

wondering how could i let you go
wondering what did i do for this to happen
wondering if i should hav tried harder to hold you back before you were gone
so far away, so far away.

its not late to forgive and forget
thought will the heart be ever mended from all the hurt it felt
am gonna pass this way into eternity waiting for you to come back to me someday from afar that is
so far away, so far away.


(May 2009)

the sun is bright
birds chirping around
its spring in full swing
then why is there so much gloom
in here, within me.

i yearn for you
crave within
wait for just a glance
do i ask a lot
if its only love that i want

will i ever see the joy
of someone close by
will this heart ever
stop to bleed


(April 2009)

em flying high
high on your love
love that em not gonna get back
back from you

i remember the unsaid words
words i wanted to say
say to you how much i love
love you with all my heart

do you recollect the time
time spent in each others arm
arms entwined in each other
lost in each others eyes

saw you today
with someone else
someone else who took my place
my place that i could die for

em gonna live this way
this way high on your love
love that em not gonna get back
back from you

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