She woke up looking like a
crumbling statue, from a forgotten ruin of a long lost past. The askew sheets
told a story of restless night spent tossing and turning between the sheets.
She tasted bile in her throat, reminding her vaguely of waking up in the middle
of the night to throw up the little food she had eaten from the take away she
had bought along when returning from work. When was it. Yesterday? How long in
the past was this yesterday? She fumbled to find her glasses from the table
besides her bed. She squinted at the wall to see what time was it. She stared
it for what seemed like an eternity waiting for clock’s hands to move only to
realise they weren't moving at all. She kept her cellphone away from her in an
attempt to force herself to wake up the first time the alarm on the phone went
off. It was yet to work. The alarm would go off, automatically snooze for
another 15 minutes to again ring and again snooze. She didn't know why did she
still keep doing this. Maybe one day i will not curl up and go back to sleep
when the alarm rings.
She got up from the bed to get
the phone. She couldn't remember the date. Or day. The year eluded her for a
minute. The old calendar on the wall hasn't seen a fresh page for months. The
cellphone’s screen said it was a Saturday. Well, i don't need to get out of bed
and drag myself to work today at least. That was a relief. She could feel a headache
building up just behind her eyes. It has become a constant companion. Perhaps i
should get my eyes tested. I might be losing my vision. She made a mental note
to go see the optometrist soon.
There was no sun light in her
room. Her tiny apartment faced another building that had other similar tiny
apartments. The curtains filtered just enough daylight to let you know it
wasn't night time.
Her days have been merging into
one another, days into nights into days. Day after day. She hardly had met her
friends after the last birthday party they had thrown for her. She couldn't
muster up the courage to pick up the phone and call anyone. Talk to them, tell
them she missed them. She felt she would be imposing herself on them. She never
knew why.
She put on tea to boil, got her
toothbrush & stared outside the window. It was a dull grey day. Humid. The
stillness of summer heavy in the air. The sun was bright but it couldn't reach
inside her and evaporate that greyness. Sipping her tea, flicking through the
television, not seeing, she spent her morning hunched on her bed with a book
besides her. Her mind and soul restless, fidgetting to get out there.
Somewhere. Away. She dreamed of packing her bags and getting on a long distance
train. Get a window seat, peer out, wind in her hair. That made her smile
sadly. Why don't i have the courage to do this. She didn't know why.
